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Hakuna Matata October 20, 2009

Filed under: Random — joopen @ 7:07 pm
Tags: , ,

If only it meant no worries for the rest of my days…….

I’m a little emotional tonight I must say and honestly, I don’t know why.  I’m sure there are millions of reasons.

1.) I’m fighting with a friend 2.) I’m a girl 3.) I’m on antidepressants for a severe pain medication 4.)I’m in the process of quitting the antidepressant meds 5.) Somehow this week lines of communication have opened with someone I’m not sure I’m ready to talk to. 6.)I’m excited to go to Waco and see Angela & Matt Friday 7.)I’m in pain even as I type 8.) The one person I’d love to see & talk to I won’t get to see or talk to for another week.

But who really knows? lol

I went to the doctor today.  We’re stopping the anti-depressants and going back on the tramadol.  Neither worked so I’m not torn one way or the other.  However we’re adding a 3rd thing into the mix…..Pain Patches.  This is a new and exciting attempt.  I’ve also agreed to see another ortho. I’ve been holding back because I 1/2 know and am 1/2 scared of what any ortho will tell me.  I try to be this strong person who can take on the world…but if you tell me I’m limited its going to put a blow to this confidence that I’ve worked so hard to build up. Ironically my iTunes is playing Creed -“Are you ready for what’s to come” right now. I’m tired of being in pain, I’m tired of facing this, I’m wishing it was over, I’m dreading the words “it will never be over”.  I know the Ortho will tell me there’s not much we can do and I’ll have to live with this.  Its what I heard years ago. I’m not willing to accept that I have this thing holding me back.  I don’t want to be the person who can’t stand for long periods of time, who can’t play sports, who CAN’T EVER RUN. All I really want to do is run.

So I’m fighting with a close friend and hate myself for it.  I don’t like to be this way.  It was thing after thing that built up and finally exploded when she broke the handle of my car door off. If you have no respect for me, no respect for my time, emotions, feelings, and now property how can I respect you in return? Its been a few days now and I’ve calmed down a little.  She did finally call and apologize to my voicemail 2 days later. I think I just need some time apart and I think that’s what I plan on doing….taking time for myself.

Ok enough pitty party.  I’m very excited for the end of this week.  Thursday the folks are coming and we’re heading out for Waco! We’ll swing through Hutch for a few hours with the grandparents and then go 1/2 way and spend the night somewhere.  Friday afternoon we’ll be in Waco!!!!!!! I’m really really excited. We’re driving back Monday so it won’t be the longest trip ever but I’ll take it!

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I think A Change Would Do You Good… October 13, 2009

Filed under: work — joopen @ 1:28 pm
Tags: , , , ,

So I changed the look of my blog.  Not sure if I like it yet but its definitly different. 

As I sit at work killing time before I go to swim at the Y I just fester more and more about something I’ve decided to get off my chest………

At work they have decided to bring back monthly production awards.  We are supposed to pick 3 of our production peices every month to submit for judging.  They used to have something like this but it wasn’t mandatory or at least not enforced.  I would enter production when I deemed it outstanding.  I work hard at my job but most of the time don’t see my work as outstanding so I didn’t submit very often.  1 employee was the only one submiting on a regular basis.  They’ve brought it back and made it mandatory now… we must have 3 in each month. 

The worst part about this is that I know the motives behind it.  We’ve heard before that our production isn’t as good as ‘the jones’. They wont come out and say it but its to create competition in us and drive us to try harder.  What lights my fire is they don’t recognize that we may be already trying hard-er.  That its not always the production but maybe the copy… maybe JUST maybe if our work loads were smaller or if the copy was better would our production be better.  This does not push me to be better it makes me want to be worse.  I don’t like this change.  I work hard and do my best in so many areas of, and I’ll use the term loosly, “my job”.  I continuously get more things on my plate that are not even remotly related to my job but I do them and do them well.  I even strive for the best at each thing but when what I get in return is this silly compitition it is like fuel to my fire.  Don’t stop and take a look at what else could lead to the bettering of production or even bettering of the company just throw that blame on over here at us peeons that’s just fine.  Yes I will participate and will submit my mandatory 3 but its not going to make me try any hader when I’m already trying to give it my all.  Thanks for noticing….

Not that I’m upset or anything.

 

Love the Rain! October 8, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — joopen @ 1:34 pm

Its a beautiful day full of beautiful rain!

So I’m killing time waiting until 3 so I can swim.  I’ve been keeping it up now.  I really enjoy it and really get a fairly good workout.  I have different excercises I do and swim laps.  I have really grown to enjoy it.   Just not the time I have to kill waiting to go do it.

roadside-cross

On a different note my mom called me today and says “If I die on the highway, DON’T put up a cross!” lol That has got to be the most random thing ever to come out of my mother’s mouth.  I was stunned and just responded… “Do you plan to die on the highway?”  lol.  Oh it still makes me laugh hours later.  She was so serious about it though.  When I asked why it was such a big deal she responded “I AM NOT JESUS! I didn’t die on a cross!”  And my thoughs were… well no you’d have died on the highway not a cross.. but I didn’t dare say that.  I said “No mom you are not Jesus.  I guess I understand your point.  How about we put up a wreath.”  LOL!! She says, “EW! No I don’t want a wreath either!”  I said “what do you want mom a Harley emblem or bike cut out?” Finally I got her to laugh a little and she said something along the lines of that she’ll die with a smile on her face. What a strange conversation.  But I decided when I die… DON’T put up a cross! LOL!