If only it meant no worries for the rest of my days…….
I’m a little emotional tonight I must say and honestly, I don’t know why. I’m sure there are millions of reasons.
1.) I’m fighting with a friend 2.) I’m a girl 3.) I’m on antidepressants for a severe pain medication 4.)I’m in the process of quitting the antidepressant meds 5.) Somehow this week lines of communication have opened with someone I’m not sure I’m ready to talk to. 6.)I’m excited to go to Waco and see Angela & Matt Friday 7.)I’m in pain even as I type 8.) The one person I’d love to see & talk to I won’t get to see or talk to for another week.
But who really knows? lol
I went to the doctor today. We’re stopping the anti-depressants and going back on the tramadol. Neither worked so I’m not torn one way or the other. However we’re adding a 3rd thing into the mix…..Pain Patches. This is a new and exciting attempt. I’ve also agreed to see another ortho. I’ve been holding back because I 1/2 know and am 1/2 scared of what any ortho will tell me. I try to be this strong person who can take on the world…but if you tell me I’m limited its going to put a blow to this confidence that I’ve worked so hard to build up. Ironically my iTunes is playing Creed -“Are you ready for what’s to come” right now. I’m tired of being in pain, I’m tired of facing this, I’m wishing it was over, I’m dreading the words “it will never be over”. I know the Ortho will tell me there’s not much we can do and I’ll have to live with this. Its what I heard years ago. I’m not willing to accept that I have this thing holding me back. I don’t want to be the person who can’t stand for long periods of time, who can’t play sports, who CAN’T EVER RUN. All I really want to do is run.
So I’m fighting with a close friend and hate myself for it. I don’t like to be this way. It was thing after thing that built up and finally exploded when she broke the handle of my car door off. If you have no respect for me, no respect for my time, emotions, feelings, and now property how can I respect you in return? Its been a few days now and I’ve calmed down a little. She did finally call and apologize to my voicemail 2 days later. I think I just need some time apart and I think that’s what I plan on doing….taking time for myself.
Ok enough pitty party. I’m very excited for the end of this week. Thursday the folks are coming and we’re heading out for Waco! We’ll swing through Hutch for a few hours with the grandparents and then go 1/2 way and spend the night somewhere. Friday afternoon we’ll be in Waco!!!!!!! I’m really really excited. We’re driving back Monday so it won’t be the longest trip ever but I’ll take it!